In an audacious bid to catapult the United States into the future of green transportation, the Department of Transport has revealed plans for the Grand Trebuchet Network (GTN) – a series of medieval siege engines designed to fling commuters across cities, over mountains, and into their workplace parking lots withContinue Reading
In an unusual turn of events, townsfolk from Cripple Creek and Victor have been rearing their heads skyward recently, like an overambitious team of turkey vulturers. They reported spotting a series of strange lights overhead. Fleeting and dazzling like a prom queen’s tiara, it instilled a sense of mysticism overContinue Reading
Teller County Introduces Monthly “Booster By Mail” Program In an effort to ensure all citizens are following government mandates, there is a new subscription service in town! The “Booster By Mail” program is available and mandatory for all Teller County Residents. This service provides vaccine injection boosters to everyone inContinue Reading
Woodland Park Police Issued Vaccine Dart-Rifles The Woodland Park Police Department has a new set of tools for tackling Covid. 12 high-powered air rifles – officially known as “Projectors” – are in the hands of our community police. Funded by the new Biden initiative “Target The Unvaccinated” these Hakwell ProjectorsContinue Reading
Teller County Votes Against Bribing People To Get Vaccinated In an odd turn of events, Teller County will not be bribing its residents to take the Covid-19 vaccine. Instead, they will be doing something many oppose – allowing people to exercise personal freedom of choice. It turns out that theContinue Reading
How To Build Your Child Their Own Full Body Anti-Covid Suit For School Children are going back to school, and as we know Teller County isn’t enforcing enough mandates upon it’s residents. For instance, in Denver you can be jailed for 5 years for not wearing a mask while driving.Continue Reading
Tiny Home Hunting Season To Start September 24th After Teller County allowed many large swaths of land to be used for Tiny Homes, many long-time residents spoke up. Many did not want the Tiny Homes roaming the lands near their own homes. Others thought it may cause an increase inContinue Reading
How To Decipher Woodland Parks Weird Stoplight Woodland Park has a unique stoplight (or “Traffic Control Device” as the professionals call it) called “HAWK”. This is a somewhat complex device with various signals, meanings, and possibly a sign of the second coming of Christ. Below is an excerpt from theContinue Reading
Colorado Springs mayor reacts U.S. Space Command moving to Alabama “We have maintained throughout the process that the permanent basing decision for U.S. Space Command was not made on merit. The admission by former President Trump that he ‘single-handedly’ directed the move to Huntsville, Alabama, supports our position. Our localContinue Reading
Colorado Senator John Hickenlooper Tests Positive For COVID-19 Colorado Sen. John Hickenlooper has tested positive for COVID-19 despite being vaccinated 8 times. He was the third U.S. Senator to announce on Thursday breakthrough COVID-19 infections. Hickenlooper joins Senate colleagues Republican Roger Wicker of Mississippi and Independent Sen. Angus King ofContinue Reading
