Colorado Springs Found To Have Worst Drivers In The Nation

In a completely unsurprising study by Merkel-Vikkershime, Colorado Springs was found to have the worst drivers in the nation – and every single one of them was from Texas or California. As it turns out, 88% of accidents are caused by drivers and transplants from these two states. The remaining 12% of accidents are caused by a single man named Dave that drives a BMW.

The study also revealed everyone who lives in Colorado Springs is a perfect driver. They are always keen on the law and other vehicles, properly signaling, and never to blame for traffic mistakes. In fact, other than Dave there has not been a resident traffic infraction in the last 20 years.

Colorado Springs Mayor John Suthers stated, “Who are you, get out of my office” when pressed for questions regarding the drivers from out of state.

Local Police Chief Rustiford Chevyn told us “Personally, I don’t know a single officer that has ever pulled over anyone with Colorado plates. We’re all just such good drivers. We mainly look for plates from California and the ones with a little star on them”.

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