In an event that has left historians scratching their heads and royalists reaching for their handkerchiefs, Buckingham Palace officially confirmed the untimely demise of Queen Elizabeth II, attributing her passing to a tragic accident on a professional motocross track. Known for her stoic presence and an unwavering affection for corgis,Continue Reading

In an unexpected turn of events that blends nostalgia with innovation, the U.S. Department of Transportation has announced the re-introduction of Zeppelins as a sustainable and fitness-oriented mode of mass transportation. Dubbed the “Eco-Zeppelin Initiative,” these modern airships will be lifted by hydrogen gas and propelled forward by the pedalContinue Reading

Teller County Introduces Monthly “Booster By Mail” Program In an effort to ensure all citizens are following government mandates, there is a new subscription service in town! The “Booster By Mail” program is available and mandatory for all Teller County Residents. This service provides vaccine injection boosters to everyone inContinue Reading

BidenCare: For Only $19.95 Joe Biden Will Call A Hospital & Get You Preferential Priority Treatment Last week Biden unveiled his new Healthcare Initiative, BidenCare. With this service anyone can have Former Vice President Joe Biden call their local ER and have some dirty unvaccinated person thrown on the curbContinue Reading

Biden Administration to expatriate all Military Working Dogs left in Afghanistan The Biden Administration announced Tuesday evening that “the President was deeply saddened by the public backlash of his decision to leave working dogs in Afghanistan, and has decided to expatriate these animals so they will no longer be USContinue Reading

Colorado Springs mayor reacts U.S. Space Command moving to Alabama “We have maintained throughout the process that the permanent basing decision for U.S. Space Command was not made on merit. The admission by former President Trump that he ‘single-handedly’ directed the move to Huntsville, Alabama, supports our position. Our localContinue Reading

Governor blames small businesses for low employment rates; extends unemployment benefits. “It’s definitely not our fault, I mean, these places probably just don’t have enough help wanted signs or something, you know?” stated Jared Polis, Governor of Colorado and award-winning longhorn hen rancher. A new report found the majority ofContinue Reading