In a groundbreaking study released this week from the prestigious Institute of Highly Essential Studies, researchers have concluded that placing a lemon in a glass box on a table can enhance home décor aesthetics by an unprecedented 87%. The five-year study, which cost upwards of $2 million, involved intricate experimentationContinue Reading
In an unexpected turn of events that blends nostalgia with innovation, the U.S. Department of Transportation has announced the re-introduction of Zeppelins as a sustainable and fitness-oriented mode of mass transportation. Dubbed the “Eco-Zeppelin Initiative,” these modern airships will be lifted by hydrogen gas and propelled forward by the pedalContinue Reading
In an audacious bid to catapult the United States into the future of green transportation, the Department of Transport has revealed plans for the Grand Trebuchet Network (GTN) – a series of medieval siege engines designed to fling commuters across cities, over mountains, and into their workplace parking lots withContinue Reading
Go To Church You Heathen Recent reports indicate you’ve not been attending church. It starts shortly. Go on, stop reading and start getting ready. Oh, you’re going to keep reading eh? Well then, we’re gonna hit you with some weird verses from Revelations until you decide to go to service.Continue Reading
Teller County Introduces Monthly “Booster By Mail” Program In an effort to ensure all citizens are following government mandates, there is a new subscription service in town! The “Booster By Mail” program is available and mandatory for all Teller County Residents. This service provides vaccine injection boosters to everyone inContinue Reading
Woodland Park Police Issued Vaccine Dart-Rifles The Woodland Park Police Department has a new set of tools for tackling Covid. 12 high-powered air rifles – officially known as “Projectors” – are in the hands of our community police. Funded by the new Biden initiative “Target The Unvaccinated” these Hakwell ProjectorsContinue Reading
Teller County Votes Against Bribing People To Get Vaccinated In an odd turn of events, Teller County will not be bribing its residents to take the Covid-19 vaccine. Instead, they will be doing something many oppose – allowing people to exercise personal freedom of choice. It turns out that theContinue Reading
How To Build Your Child Their Own Full Body Anti-Covid Suit For School Children are going back to school, and as we know Teller County isn’t enforcing enough mandates upon it’s residents. For instance, in Denver you can be jailed for 5 years for not wearing a mask while driving.Continue Reading
Affordable Homes For Rent In Woodland Park There Are None Continue Reading
Every Deer Related Accident In Woodland Park Caused By You Feeding Deer That One Time Two Months Ago After an extensive investigation into the increasing number of deer found dead on the roadside, the conclusion is in. It turns out that neither local forestation issues, rutting season, or natural reasonsContinue Reading
